Sean “Diddy” Combs is opening up about a hard time in his life.
The 48-year-old mogul covers the latest issue of GQ, and gets personal about his business ventures, his ultimate aspiration as well as the 1997 death of his close friend, Biggie Smalls (The Notorious B.I.G.). Diddy — who tells the magazine he wants to be called Love — admits he is still dealing with the “Juicy” rapper’s death.
Diddy says he hasn’t spoken to a therapist about having residual feelings of guilt about Biggie’s death, particularly, that he didn’t persuade Biggie to leave Los Angeles before he died, though they were supposed to have flown to London at the time.
“I haven’t dealt with any of that yet,” he admits. “I try to get into it, but…that’s something that just hurts so bad. That’s a time that’s still suppressed.”
Diddy then shares that two and a half years ago, he took a break to Sedona, Arizona, after he said he got depressed and developed an addiction to his phone. The break proved to be a fulfilling one, reigniting his connection with music.
“I’m not 100 percent knowing how to come up with the sounds yet,” Diddy says of hearing new songs in his head during his time in Sedona.
These days, the mogul is showing no signs of slowing down. Most of all, he aspires to lift up his culture.
“I want to be an authentic, unapologetic warrior for black culture and the culture of the street and how it moves,” he explains. “My thing is most importantly to change the narrative of the black race. I can’t relate to anything that isn’t about that.”
Diddy shares he’s been talking about his ultimate goal with fellow mogul, JAY-Z — which is making lots of money and putting it back into the community. For example, the Bad Boy Records founder says he wants to develop an app that will allow users to look at a city or neighborhood and see where the black-owned and black-friendly businesses are.
“This is not about taking away from any other community,” he explains. “But the application will make it possible for us to have an economic community. It’s about blacks gaining economic power. … I don’t believe in passiveness. At some point there has to be some kind of fight. I feel like we’ve done a lot of marching. It’s time to start charging.”
“We’re into psychological warfare,” he adds of him and JAY-Z. “The difference is, we’re not trying to hurt nobody.”